Briggs Deborah Okorite
Sometimes in January, a colleague called me to talk to me in person asking me what I would do if my ‘boyfriend’ cheated/cheats on me with my best friend, friend and sister at different points in time.
Ah! He went on asking what I’d do if the person keeps doing it over and over again giving the illustration in sequence asking me if I’d still forgive such partner.
Wow…I paused for a while on hearing such and it actually seemed/seems strange to me now. I told the person, to start with he can’t even do that lol(not out of pride but knowledge). I know and have learnt enough to study someone before even thinking of going into relationship with him. I’m no longer that girl who was confused or who had an identity crisis. I know that I shouldn’t make decisions based on emotions or short term basis. I know that God wants me to enjoy my life and of course marriage and my purpose comes before anything! God’s plans and purpose for me is way bigger than me or any kind of relationship whatsoever! I know that my satisfaction comes from Christ and I must follow His design to enjoy a fulfilling marriage.
I said all these to say this;
Most times, we Christians forget that this isn’t about us but who we are(saved by Grace) and what we were created to accomplish in life. I’ve long been over the dramatic life I once had in my past relationships and I couldn’t really relate but I said yes, I will forgive him because it would set me free from hurt and also because I’ve been forgiven of much by God. Yes, you must forgive as that’s not a bone of contention regardless of how much they hurt you.
But please, forgiveness isn’t foolishness(this was the first thing I said actually). It’d only be foolish and unhealthy to go on with such relationship after all the signs. I think the problem is we set low standards(in relationships) for ourselves not caring that God is interested in every aspect of our lives. Keeping healthy relationships is God’s idea. It’s really not about us but about what is right on the long run(most times we don’t realise it on time). About what will profit you on the long run. Most of us have the wrong mindset about issues like this and keep making mistakes. As a Christian, you shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who’s not in the faith no matter how amazing they are in behaviour.
Also, if they’re not faithful to you now that you’re not married, there’s every tendency that they won’t be when you are.
You know you can’t keep up with the attitude and lifestyle of a person but you go on claiming you love them. You’re serious about the things of God and they’re not. You know they live recklessly or they won’t spur you to love God more but you think your ‘kindness or love’ is to be invested in them by being in a relationship with them. I’m sorry but why will you give yourself a job that’s meant for your Saviour?
You know they’re draining your energy and they’re not doing anything to become better persons but you say time heals everything. How? Common now!
This is where I advice that you forgive from afar. Grace doesn’t condone sin, it helps you produce good works. I’m not even talking about someone who has flaws and is growing in the faith but those who think you can behave anyhow because there’s Grace. The standard is the word. Yes, we forgive because it’s our nature but when it comes to our association and companies we keep in the faith, we’re careful about living out the life of Christ which is to model to the world His standard and love.
I hope this blessed you. Please share your thoughts, I’d love to hear from you 🙂